Item 12. Item 12.!
Officer Bates...
will you please disseminate those copies...
- of the president's security plan? - Here you go. Okay. Okay!
Thank you.
Quiet, please.
Shut up, everyone. Shut up!
Now, I can well understand your youthful excitement due to the president...
but we still have our daily housework.
Item 12.
The rape/assault situation up in St. James Park is not disappearing by itself.
Another one early this morning...
which brings the tally up to an even dozen.!
Another one?
Let's get on top of those animals, huh?
No pun intended.
Hingle, Perez, Sneed, Lamonica-
as of now, you're off the projects and in the park.
All right, last item.
The last item concerns image. We don't want the president of the United States...
being escorted through this precinct...
by what looks like a group ofblue gorillas.
He's talkirto you.
So, let's take a little time between now and then to get our uniforms pressed...
our faces shaved clean-
- that means you, Renko- - I'm gonna get a manicure.
And side hair trimmed accordingly.
Sorry, Lucy. Side hair's gotta go.
Shut it off, twinks!
All right, all right. Let's roll.
And, uh, let's be careful out there.
So, what do you think, Renko, about right here? Maybe just raise it up about a 16th of-
- No, no, that's not the problem. The problem is... right here. - Hey!
It's a gray hair. You're disintegratir in front of my eyeballs.
- Have you checked the top of your head? - What?
You're blowir fur, brother.
You know what? You're gonna be combir your hair with a washrag.
I got hair. I got hair. Look, all up here.
- I got hair I haven't even used yet. - I see it.
- But it's all in the wrong places. - Mm.
Women love my hair.
Well, they better start lovir it before they call you the Bald Cowboy.
Dispatch. We have a 9-11.
Armed robbery in progress.
See surplus store, corner People's Drive, 124th Street.
What's the point? What's he gonna fact-find, man?
He's got his own inner city in Washington, D.C.
Yeah, but we got a class inner city up here, and the president knows class.
If it doesn't do D.C. No good, what good does it do me?
Oh, now, you see, there, that's the problem, slick.
Everyone's hung up on what's in it for them. That's cash-register mentality.
And El Diablo here has a cash-register mentality.
- Here's cash register number one and cash register number two. - Tsk, tsk, tsk.
- On the house, gentlemen? - Negative, Bruce. That's okay. We'll pay our way.
Nah, don't wanna insult the man.
Yeah, you and John D. LaRue.
- Later, man.! - You know somethir, Bobby? I'm a fine figure of a man.
- Yeah. - Yeah, I just said-
- Look at slick's pimpmobile. - Whoo, 1969-
- You got television, a telephone. - Ragtop yellow convertible.
- It probably has a wet bar. - It's your basic recreation vehicle.
Mm, mm, mm. Probably has more extras than my apartment too.
You in the automobile! I want you to put your hands over your head...
and come out of that vehicle very slowly.
This is weird.
Come on outta there with your hands up!
Okay. Okay.
He's not armed.
It's cool. How you guys doir?
- Put your hands above your head. Hands above your head. - Okay.
Hey, don't get excited. Don't get excited.
- I'm not a fighter. I don't fight. - What is this, man?
- This mars a walkir hardware store. - No rough stuff. A fair catch.
Just don't think you guys gotta lean on me-
- 'Cause I confess, you dig? - Hey, no confessions till I read you your rights.
- You dig? - Whatever you say, man.
All right. You have the right to remain silent. You have the right to speak with an attorney.
- If you can't afford one, one will be appointed for you. - Okay.
- You got that? - Yeah, man. You think I'm stupid or something?
No, I think you're the next Albert Einstein. He started out stealing pimpmobiles.
Hey, man, it takes me nine seconds flat.
What's the risk? This stupid-
- Hey! Don't you kick my car! - Why don't you kick him?
Your ignition stinks, man. It's all screwed together backwards.
- You're drivir around in a death trap. - What do you know?
Worthless piece of junk heap!
Shut up! What?
Man, we gotta call in for another car.
Aw, man, this thing doesn't start, and you ordered this unit this morning.
It's flooded, man. I can smell it. Pop the hood, will ya?
Pop the hood? Okay.
Pop the hood.
- The latch, Renko. The latch? - What?
This is pathetic, man. This is ridiculous. This is totally neglected.
- Is this your unit? - No, No, it's a loaner.
Yeah. Could you hand me that crescent wrench over there, please?
Hey, uh, you mind?
- No. Um, here. - Thank you.
- Can you work like this? - Yes.
All we gotta do is take this baby off here.
- First of all, is the- - The name is Floyd Stazwitz...
but I kinda get off on beir called Malibu.
I spent some time out there pinstripir for this dude.
It was the best deal I ever had in my whole life, man:
Great beaches, great ladies, great smoke.
That's why I like the name Malibu, you know?
'Cause when I hear it, I think about Malibu, and it makes me feel good all over.
Okay, fire it up.
- Ho! Slap my- - Hey! All right. Let's go.
- All right.! - Hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo!
Ooh, what did you do to my baby, man?
- Nothir runs like this. - I got a flair for fixir things.
Look, uh, Malibu, I'm real sorry about this, but you are under arrest...
and I'm gonna have to take you downtown.
- But I'll do everything I can to help you. - Hey, it's cool, Renko.
I mean, like, you guys are cops, right? And I'm a heist man. I mean, that's life, right?
Hey, hey, what about my ignition?
- I ain't driving no death trap. - Hey, takes me three minutes, tops.
Sure. Why not? Three minutes, Malibu.
Right.
You know, I wouldn't mind havir him eyeball my "Z."
Sucker's beginning to lose its punch.
Now we're takir a big chance along this whole stretch, Frank.
If the president so much as steps off the east side of the avenue...
- he'll be on Gypsy Boy turf. - The problem's the sun, Henry.
The east side of the avenue will be in shade until 1:00...
and that press secretary wants the president filmed in sunlight.
They declared independence a couple of months ago.
We've been tryir to negotiate 'em back into the United States.
- Francis, can I have a word with you? - Yeah, Phil.
- Sergeant Esterhaus, Jerry Mullenex- - Hi.
- And Dave Bean, Secret Service. - Francis, please.
- Yes, yes. - She's back. She just waltzed in and gave me this.
I hate that womars guts.
She just takes a little getting used to. Give her a chance, will you? She's a good kid.
We don't need decorators to paint precinct houses.
- Brown is brown, green is green, and painters paint. - It's not up to us, Phil.
It's a divisional directive. That means you live with it.
- No matter how hard it is, you get through it with her. - Look at this book, huh?
Avocado, guava, peach, soft lemon.
She's not paintir a jail. She's makir fruit salad.
- Captain, I've seen enough. We're ready to make a dry run. - I'll ride with him, Frank.
Oh, now wait a minute. What about that Gypsy Boy turf?
- You're gonna respect the boundary line, aren't you? - We'll do the best we can.
What say that, um, we'll reconvene here about 12:30?
Hold it. We've spent two years cooling off that avenue.
I'm a graduate of the program, Furillo.
You don't get this with blusher. Come on. Have a little faith.
Francis, I'm considering retirement.
- I just want you to know that. - I'm considering it too, Phil.
Would you ask Ray to come in here when he gets a chance? I have to have him coordinate...
the helicopter landing with the park people.
- Oh. Uh- - Hey, Sarge.
Hi. Internal Affairs wants your shield and gun turned in...
- until they figure out what's gonna be with you. - I know.
Sit down.
I know you're busy, Captain.
We've been getting your record together for the hearing this afternoon.
- If I were you, I'd put on a suit and tie. - Don't worry. I plan to.
- You gonna be there, Captain? - Satisfy something for me, LaRue. Just how dirty are you?
I was giving the money back to him. I told him I didn't want no part.
I don't know about you, LaRue. You used to be a hot item:
Citations, promotions, prime arrest record.
- Between the women and the booze, take a look at yourself now. - Hey, I made a mistake, okay?
Almost. He suckered me good. He told me half the division was in on it.
- And you believed that crap? - Macafee said- Macafee suggested-
that if I crossed anybody up at Division, I'd find myself face down in the reservoir.
- All right. Okay. - How are you doir, Johnny?
Okay, Ray.
I wouldn't go into that Board of Rights session without a lawyer.
I had breakfast this morning with Mike Sullivan.
The Police Protective Association wants no involvement...
and since you're in arrears, they figure they've got that right.
Yeah, well, that's just dandy, isn't it?
You tell them they can take their association and stuff it, man, hard.
I'm sorry. You're gonna have to find private counsel.
But Ray and I have made out a list of very good people for you.
Yeah, well, I guess I'll see you later, Captain.
Just a second. Your partner, Washington- he's clean, isn't he?
Yeah. He's clean.
And so am I.
For what it's won'th, I think I believe him, Frank.
You warn those Street Lords to muzzle up their mouths until after the president's tour.
They've got an agreement with us.
- Sarge, I need some advice. - Well, sure, Bobby. What's the problem?
You know that car thief we called in on?
He's outside fixir some patrol cars, units 17 and 26.
- Cowboy's givir him a hand. - The guy's that good a mechanic?
Oh, Sarge, he's amazing.
Well, maybe we oughta have him take a look at my Buick.
I kinda hate bookir the guy, Sarge, you know?
But we caught him cold, and the first thing he goes and does is he confesses.
- That is a problem, all right. Let me think on it. - Okay.
Oh, Bobby, uh...
here are the keys to my car.
Hey, Hill, my unit's runnir a little rough.
- What's the chance of him takir a look? - One vehicle at a time, Sneed.
Good morning, Sergeant.
You know, after our initial fiasco...
I was tempted to call Chief Daniels, but I didn't.
I chose not to.
Lucy, see what that ruckus in Booking is all about.
- I'm addressing you, Sergeant. - Oh. Yes, ma'am?
And I'm warning you- I'm here on business, and I mean business.
So let's get down to business.
I have provided you with seven pages of color samples. Have you looked them over?
I have.
Do you agree or disagree with my recommendations?
Does that imply displeasure, Sergeant?
- Your captain in? - Uh, no, sir.
- I think he's on some business downtown. - That's just dandy.
Bates-
Me?
I was wondering if we could have a little verbal mano a mano?
- A talk. - Sure. About what?
'Bout you...
me, us.
Us?
Could we, uh-
We live in revolutionary times, Bates, and all propensities are falling by the wayside...
if you perceive my drift.
It's empty.
- Trust me. - Enough is enough. What's going on?
Privacy, Bates. The walls have ears.
They also have urinals.
Inside, Bates!
Yes, sir.
- Let's get down to it. - Get down to what?
A 12% raise in pay, special training, upgrade in rank...
and more action with me than you'll get in a year out in that squad room.
Just exactly what are you proposing?
I am proposing you fill a slot...
in my Emergency Action Team.
Now what do you say to that?
Wow.
I never envisioned myself an EATer.
I have.
- Although I don't endorse that acronym. - Excuse me.
So many of your basic Latin types...
your black types, uh, your... types.
Female types.
I need you, Bates.
You've got tight-end size with the hands of a wide receiver...
and the body weight to stand up against the stock of an M16.
You got smart eyes and good abutments...
and, damn it, I think you've got the guts to make it.
What do you say?
Suck in that gut, mister.
Lucy? L-Lucy, what gives? What's the matter? Huh?
Do I look like a tight end to you?
- Oh, I wouldn't put it in those terms. - No?
I have observed, however, on occasion, a...
certain... muscularity in that vicinity.
Lucy-
I meant that in the most complimentary way.
I'm sorry.
It's not your fault. It-
- Please, could I just be alone? - Why, sure. Whatever you say.
Lucy, let me tell ya something.
You know, between the time that Margaret and I separated and the time that I met Cindy...
there was six or seven days there...
when I seriously considered asking you for a date.
- No kidding. - No kidding.
And if it wasrt for the fact that we share a work environment, I, uh-
well, Lucy, um-
I find you attractive in the extremis.
And I don't respond haphazardly to just anyone of the op-
Well, I don't, uh, have a problem in that regard, as it were.
Thank you, Sergeant. You're okay.
I'm okay. You're okay. We're okay.
- Okay? - Okay.
Who is it? John LaRue.
- Hi, babe. - Ooh, don't mess my makeup.
You never give me the chance. He inside?
- Yeah. - Okay.
What say, lover?
Goir to the hangir in your shorts?
Couldrt say.
Not supposed to be talkir to you, man.
I'm a witness.
Internal Affairs tell you that, did they?
I really did it to myself this time, didn't I?
That Macafee suckered me good.
Ah, I don't know. Maybe I deserve what's comir.
Yeah. Maybe you do.
Hey, I was tryir to return the money, man.
You gotta believe me. I was tryir not to get you involved.
If you say so, lover.
Hey, you believe me, don't you?
- You believe me, don't you, Jill? - Please. I don't know anything.
I'm goir in there alone, man, and I need you with me.
Now you gotta believe me. That's all I'm askir for.
I'm not askir you to go in there and lie for me.
Like hell you're not, man. That's exactly what you're askir me to do.
Service, line six. Service, line six.
Hi. Rob around?
- Rob? - Mm-hmm.
Uh, let me go see. Who should I say is-
- Tell him it's his brother-in-law. - Oh.
Rob, your brother-in-law is here.
You're kiddir.
Hey-y-y. Hey, hey, hey. What do you say, guy? What do you say?
- A-okay. How you doir? - Ah, I'm doir good. Doir good. Take a look at this.
Quarter-page ad in the Trib, huh?
Hey, Les, this is Peggy's big brother, John- uh, John the cop.
- Oh, nice to meet you, John the cop. - Same here.
- Where can we talk? - Oh, come on. Come on into the office.
- Hold calls a couple of minutes, huh? - Right.
Funny. You know, I hear the stories all the time about cops on the take.
Hey, no, no, no. Don't misunderstand me,J.D. I-I didn't mean-
What I mean is-
I don't know what I mean.
It's a bad scene. Bad scene.
So, what's the worst that could happen?
I need two-grand retainer, Rob. Two grand. You'll get it back.
- You're not answerir my question. What's the worst that could happen? - I'm out.
And? If you hire a lawyer, what's the guarantee you're gonna be in?
Come on, man. Now don't play those games with me. I got nine years invested in this job.
You want my opinion,J.D.? You're throwir two thou down the same nine-year hole.
- Look. What about it? Can you see your way clear or not? - Peg would be sleepir...
a whole lot better if she knew you were workir at somethir a little bit more normal.
Listen. Maybe it's a blessir, huh?
Come on. Tell the department to cram it. Come to work.
Make a little more than you spend for a change, huh?
Listen, I got a line on a liquor store. Puerto Rico North. Cash business,J.D.
- What Uncle Sam don't know- - Hey, I don't think so, huh?
You change your mind about the loan, you give me a call.
- I gotta go downtown to change. - Where are you runnir to? Come on. Sit down.
Hey! J.D. - Hey, wait up,J.D.!
Hey, wait up.!
Hey! I want you to listen to me,J.D. Listen.
For your sister's sake I've been bendir over sideways for you.
Don't be a loser all your life, huh?
Really, man.
If not for your sake, then do it for hers. Peg'd sleep a lot better.
Peg'd sleep a lot better if you werert gettir it on with that little cookie in there.
What? You're outta line, John. You are way outta line.
Sure. Sure I am. And you're full of it.
- Mars a genius. - The light's never worked, and it never will.
Yeah? I'll take that action, Lamonica.
He's a surgeon.
Let there be light.
- All right. - Hey! Hey, $10.
- Hey.! - The hell. You didn't say 10.
- Pay the man, Cosmo. - You know, it seems a shame to send him downtown.
We sure could use him around here.
- Makes more sense than a decorator. - It's a straight collar, Phil.
- The mars an habitual car thief. - Well, that's true. But still-
Look, when he gets a chance, see if he can fix the john in the mers room.
- It's been running for two years. - I'll get him right on it, Francis.
Hey, Frank, Frank, Frank. Look at the morning figures.
Look at armed robbery. It hasn't been this quiet since the Super Bowl.
- You can thank the president. - I intend to.
- How's it goir, Ray? - How you doir?
- All right. - Come on in, Neal.
Uh, Malibu, uh, I think I'm wearir him down.
Yeah, give it to me straight, Sarge. What are my chances?
Well, I won't lie to ya. It's, uh-
Hey, I got an idea, okay? Now, what about lettir me serve my time up here-
sorta like a- like a trustee, right?
I mean, uh, this place needs a lotta work.
If I could, I would, Malibu, but it's not up to me. It's up to the courts.
Hey, tell me the truth. You think I oughta get rid of my Buick?
My girlfriend thinks I oughta get into somethir flashier.
See we got the senior prom comir up. It's a homecoming.
Hmm. Flash is flash, Sarge...
but, from your mechanical standpoint, she's a solid vehicle.
You sensed something wrong, yet you didn't ask him about it. How come?
Well, he's been under a lot of pressure lately, Captain. You know how it goes.
No, I don't know how it goes. What kind of pressure?
Money pressure:
Women, clothes-
- You know J.D., Captain. - Yeah, well, I thought I did anyway.
Yeah, well, uh...
you know, I had my doubts too, but-
What it is- if he meant to keep that money, he would've offered me a split.
- Why? Because it's happened before? - Nah. No way.
- Hey, wait a minute, Captain- - No. You wait a minute.
You offer that little piece of logic to Internal Affairs...
and they're gonna ask the same questions.
Look, I know you wanna help, Neal...
but I don't want you dirtied in the process.
- What? - That president's man, Parker? He just called in.
You were right, Francis. They canceled it. Just like that.
Some kind of crisis in the Persian Gulf.
Crisis, all right. Right here. Get him for me, Ray.
- All right. - Where's Goldblume?
- With the Secret Service guy. - No, he's back. I just saw him go in the john.
Come on, Neal.
- One- - Parker called. It's off.
We gotta recontact everyone and tell 'em we've been suckered.
That's two years' credibility, damn it! I'll get right on it.
- I can't get him. He's not takir any calls. - Especially not ours.
Keep trying. If you get him, patch him through to Internal Affairs.
Given your penchant for lavatories here...
gentlemen, there are 16 sets of them up in St. James Park...
along with 12 unsolved rape/assaults.
- Come on, Neal. - Captain?
This john is pathetic.
I mean, this stuff must be 50 years old.
- Fixable? - For a normal person, no.
But, uh, with some new parts, uh-
Sergeant'll send someone.
- Tell 'em what you want. - 10-4, Captain.
Right.
Okay.
Sit down... there.
Check-in, 117.
Who's this? Alice?
I had the, uh, coke buyer under surveillance for about three weeks.
At the same time, ironically, I started getting static off the street...
about this Hill Street narc.
- DetectiveJohn LaRue? - Yeah. That's right. LaRue.
The snitch told me that he's shaking down dealers all over the precinct.
Well, then why didn't you report it immediately?
Anything that dirty, I thought I'd better look into, to see what I was up against.
And, bam, LaRue and his partner jump my bust just as it's comir down.
He put a gun to my face, so I surrendered the money.
Where was Detective Washington?
- He stayed with the suspect, sir. - Leaving you and LaRue alone.
To the bes- I-To the best of my knowl- I mean, I didn't see him.
- Then LaRue told you to pretend you escaped. Is that right? - That's right.
Was there any indication of any collusion between Washington and LaRue?
Mm, no. I don't think so.
But, uh...
I wouldn't overlook any possibility.
Clarify something for me, Macafee.
Why do you suppose LaRue, after he took the money, let you walk away?
He put a bit of a scare into me, Frank.
He said that there wasrt a plainclothes cop on the Hill that wasrt somehow involved.
- Those were his words. - And you believed him?
It must have been pretty convincing or I would be one dead mick.
This, um, source of yours...
who told you about LaRue- can he be produced?
He's dead.
Word on the street is that LaRue got wind of it and... did 'im.
- This is hearsay. - No, no, no. It's within the guidelines, Frank.
Now he's goirinto a Board of Rights, not a courtroom.
Not yet anyway.
Your turn, Neal.
- Macafee's lying. - You believe me now.
Yes, I believe you.
But he's good. They're eating it up in there.
Listen to me. No matter what they say, whatever they threaten you with-
even if they remand you to the district attorney-
I want you to keep your mouth shut till I find you a lawyer.
Hello. Captain Furillo's office.
- Yeah, what's happening? - They're goir to war, Francis.
The Street Lords have hit the Blood. Three D.O.A. We got units in pursuit.
They're mad at us, Francis. They think we sold 'em out.
Tearir up treaties left and right.
Hardware. Eight pieces.
- All right. I got one kid D.O.A. - I got one-
- No, man. You're all gonna bleed! - I got a hundred-
You hear me? You hear me, sucker?
I oughta dice you up, man!
Get him in there. Move out the way. Move out the way. Let him down.
Oh, yeah?
Yeah, you're all gonna get machine gunned through the teeth, you hear me?
You'd dig Malibu, man.
They got girl dogs all up and down the beaches.'
French poodles, Irish setters, Great Danes- whatever you're into, man.
It's all there.
What have we here, Shep? Huh?
Look at this.
Isn't this nice, huh?
Let's see if old Malibu can fit through this little place.
Ooh, yes.
Hey, Shep, be cool, okay...
and, uh, I'll catch up with you on the outside.
Thanks for the detour, counselor.
Well, when Frank Furillo says "urgent," it's gotta be.
What's the emergency? You, uh, aren't suggesting...
we recall our high school physics in the backseat of this thing?
Thought did cross my mind.
Oh. Well, I will, if you will.
You sure are in a good mood today.
Mm, you don't know the half of it, pal.
How about an hour at the Regency Court? Joyce's treat.
Don't I wish.
Guess we scratch that project. I suppose the precinct's in flames for a change.
One of my guys is on the rack.
- Which one? - John LaRue.
LaRue, huh?
- Why does unwanted entry come to mind? - Will you just talk to him?
- Internal Affairs is recommending prosecution. - That's a little stiff, isn't it?
- I thought you people washed your own dirty linen. - Will you talk to him?
I'm a public defender. I represent the indigent.
- John LaRue is not- - Is indigent. He's in hock up to his eyes.
- And he's innocent. - Of this, maybe.
But innocent? Let me tell you about him crawling up my leg.
You did. Just hear him out. Let me set it up.
We made a deal when we started seeing each other: No business favors.
Your idea, as I recall.
- I'm sorry. - Well...
at least think about it, will you?
I'll call you tonight.
Mm. It's, uh...
symphony night.
I'll call you after the symphony tonight.
- Late supper. - Who with?
This, uh, cop I know.
War's breaking out all over the precinct, Frank, and that's not the all of it.
We think the Blood hit that Delgado's Sporting Goods store over on 135th Street.
They're gonna retaliate like hell.
And I am a little nervous about having Rene Pagano in here.
- They're crazed to get even, Frank. - How many guns they get?
A good... 250 and a showcase full of ammo.
Okay. One more stop, and I'll be back up there.
What's the word off the street? Who's wearing war colors?
Actually, that's what's so weird, Frank. I mean, there's no word, no colors.
- It just happened. It's like Vietnam. - Is that Frank on the line?
Uh, Frank, it's Hunter.
Be soothing, Henry. Don't raise his blood pressure.
- Hello, Howard. - Hello, Henry.
Frank, this is Hunter. I am in your squad room, and I must say I am appalled.
What's appalling you, Howard?
Ray Calletano tells me that he received a telephone call from the Street Lords youth gang.
They wanna know what the bail is on their head honcho, uh, Rene Pagano.
When Ray explained the facts oflife, there were serious threats...
like, if we try to take him downtown, they're gonna hit us with a thousand crack troops.
Gotta give 'em credit for imagination, Howard. A thousand troops?
Frank, I wouldn't minimize the danger.
They mentioned Cuban mercenaries from Lesker Avenue.
Sounds like Mickey Rojas. I know the kid, Howard. He's playing games.
Well, if you know him, Frank, for-
Judas Priest, we have taken enough verbal abuse from these little cockroaches.
I say it is high time that you stop letting them make a fool of you and put your foot down.
Sure. Teach 'em a lesson. Protective reaction strike. Why don't you hit 'em with napalm?
Stow it, mister. You never understood napalm and you never will.
That's where you are wrong, Hunter. I do understand napalm.
- You can't use napalm- - Napalm- Napalm is an intimidating...
- weapon- - What are the three principles of napalm?
- Henry, what's going on in there? Henry! - "Burn, baby, burn." That's your answer.
- What's the final word? - It's goir to the D.A. To consider prosecution.
Don't panic. We expected that. I'm setting a meeting up with a lawyer for tonight.
- Who? - One of the best.
Go find a gym and work out-
Then go home and go to sleep.
- That's an order. I want you with me, Neal. Let's go. - Okay, Cap.
You be cool, babe. And do what the man says.
Yo, pig face, gonna torch this pig house tonight.
Gonna open your ugly mouth and pour gasoline down your throat and light your tongue!
♪ Mr. Sandman Send me a dream ♪
Sign it.
Who is this talking? Identify yourself, man.
- More threats? - I'm warning you! Craziness.
Belker just checked in. Says it's a no-mars-land out there. Empty streets.
- No word about those 250 guns? - Zilch.
I got this uneasy feeling in my gall bladder.
- What happened? - Hey!
Correct my thinking.
How hard is it for one of those monkeys to climb a pole and cut the power?
- Cut the power? What for? - Well, they've been threatening all afternoon.
- We must be having some kind of power outage, Sergeant. - Shut up.
All right. You gonna die. Every one of you.
- I got you.! - Get off me, sucker.!
Hey, you know what it's like to be dead?
'Cause you're gonna die! I'm gonna kill every one of you!
I'm gonna light it! Get your hands off me, sucker!
- Phone is dead. Somethirs goiron. - Hey, Sneed, try the phones.
I think they're all dead.
- Line's dead. - No dial tone.
- This sucker's dead too. - The phones are dead.
Listen up, everyone. The phones are dead.
Okay. Thank you, Alf. Listen. Before anyone goes off the deep end...
suppose we check out the terminal box.
- Ray, where's the terminal? - Good question.
- Okay. Call a repairman. - With what? The phones are dead.
We're under siege. Ray, you're ranking officer here.
I want your attention. This could be an emergency situation.
So let's secure those windows and doors.
Cosmo, move those desks, and let's barricade the corridor and put some cover over here.
I need eight volunteers for a perimeter check. Only single men under 35.
- That leaves you out, Sarge. - You're not sending people outside, Ray?
That's how we did it in the marine corps.
They could get killed. This is not the marines.
Let's radio Division from one of the units in the parking lot.
- What about our backup system? - Are you crazy? That thing hasn't worked in years.
You can't send people outside.
I'll go. Henry, you are in charge.
Oh, wonderful. What's he doing? Ray? What do you think you're doing?
Cover him, you guys. He's goir outside.
- All right. - Take it easy.
- Cover him. Cover him. - All right.
Keep down over there.
I just want you to know that if anything happens...
it's been great servir with you, Lucy.
Thanks, Willy. Feel the same way about you. Feel a lot better if you took your hand...
- out from under my skirt. - Everybody, I'm gonna get you...
And you and you and you...
and you and your mama!
Shut up, you guys.
Cut that mouth over there!
- Sergeant- - Paint it any way you want, Mrs. Gardner.
I don't care anymore. I'm retiring.
I've never heard of precinct houses coming under attack before.
- I've never heard of such a thing. - How's he doing?
- He's made it to the parking lot. - Neither have I, Mrs. Gardner.
- What is happening to our society so it- - Anybody say how many there were?
Isn't there somebody else we could call?
He's in the car. He's making radio contact with Division.
Sergeant, just hold me. Oh, please, hold me.
Oh. Oh.
- Shh. Stay down. - What's happenir?
There's cars outside, Henry!
Excuse me, Mrs. Gardner.
They're comir through the roof. Cover that ceiling.
- Somebody's up there. - Hey, there's someone out front, Sarge!
Cover the door. It's locked, isn't it?
They're comirin.!
You mean, no one locked the door?
- It's the captain. - Captain.! - It's okay.
- Get him in here. - Whew.!
Francis? You shouldn't be driving around out there.
How else was I supposed to get here?
Comirthrough up here.
What the hell is this? What's going on here?
What's he doing in the ceiling?
Don't let no one start gettirphysical, okay, man?
'Cause I confess. I was makir a breakout, right...
when I see that your main junction is wired all wrong, man.!
So I had to fix it, right?
And then your phones, man.! Your phones- they had 'em held together with spit.
And, uh- and that's when I got my foot stuck in the rafters.
Get this mess cleaned up. Use the phone in my office.
- Uh, they're out, Frank. They gotta be reconnected. - I take full responsibility.
It'll take me 12 seconds to fix the whole thing. Really. I was almost finished anyways.
Well, as soon as they're connected...
I think we've figured out a presidential solution.
- Call a summit meeting for 8:00. - Right, Frank.
- Frank- - Yes, Ray.
You had to be here.
How 'bout a lift?
Wow.
You saved my life.
Ah.! Got a friend, babe. Got a friend, babe.
You know, what I gotta do... is take this, put it into here.
Just put this-
- Ah! The man is another Thomas Edison. - I know, man.
- I'm incredible. - Tell me that after you fix the ceiling.
10-4, Captain.
Yes? They're all here. It'll just take us a moment to connect the loudspeaker system.
Thank you, sir.
I put the big ixnay on that one, good buddy.
I told her, "Don't cry down my back, honey.
You might rust my spurs."
Sorry, man. Uh, sometimes this unit picks up C.B.
Okay.
Gentlemen, the next voice you hear...
will be the President of the United States.
Go ahead, Mr. President.
It's a working dinner, pussy willow...
with a police decorator.
Uh-
Come on, Cindy. We'll go formal shopping tomorrow night.
Malibu- I think I love him.
- What finally happened? - Well, in all the confusion, we lost the booking slip.
And you can't keep him forever. You gotta book him or let him go, so-
- So you let him go. - Heck, no.
We rebooked him on additional charges of attempted escape and malicious vandalism.
Ah, you didn't.
It's a dog-eat-dog world, counselor, and no dog's gonna eat me.
He probably saved you over a thousand dollars in mechanical repairs.
Typical cop gratitude, Furillo. You're all heart.
I'll make a deal with you, counselor- what you might call a plea bargain.
You reconsider taking LaRue's case...
and I'll consider dropping Malibu's.
- Uh-huh. - What's so funny?
You are, pizza man. You did let him go, didn't you?
Yeah. But he promised to come back tomorrow and repair the ceiling.
You're a softy after all.
Sometimes.
What about LaRue?
Arert you afraid I might be seduced by his charms?
- I'll take my chances. - Mm.
- Oop! Here. Here, let me- - Aw.
Be... careful.
Well, if you can't trust an Italian with a razor, you can you trust?
Oh! N-N-N-Now- Now, just don't move.
Just hold very still.